So this lady hit my car today and the side of my bumper came out a bit. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t let go but she decided to write a street essay titled ‘Lagos: Who’s Madder?’ She had know idea I’d been working on a thesis.
So this lady hit my car today and the side of my bumper came out a bit. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t let go but she decided to write a street essay titled ‘Lagos: Who’s Madder?’. She had know idea I’d been working on a thesis.
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t even wince at the insult when she said, “It’s people like you that say women can’t drive.”
She was an amazing table flipper. All my years in Lagos and I’d never seen anything like it. In my rage, I actually admired her a little.
I walked right across the street to get a bottle of Fanta. Before I got back, I saw that people already gathered.
Apparently, some people had seen the whole thing and we’re blaming her. Man, I didn’t even have to shout. I just had to prove that I was mad too.
I sat on the hood of her car and started drinking my Fanta. Like, slow sips. I even did that thing where you shake it little by little so that the gas will escape.
All this while, babe’s expression had changed. She knew she wasn’t wrestling against flesh and blood again.
I shit you not.
I shit you not.
She said, “Uncle, I’ve been told I’m at fault. Let’s solve this amicably.” I almost died because she’s the one that had been fighting with herself. I held my laugh and said, “No. Let’s not. You will fix my car. You want to delay, I can delay.”
I think where she realised I was unfuckwithable was when I asked her to gist me since she wanted to kill time. I asked her to tell me how she spent new year’s day.
Man, I’d never seen someone go from arrogant to humble so quickly in my life. She knew I was mad.
Understand that this whole time, people were begging me to let her go, she was begging too. The only words I said to her were caring, kind, sweet words while showing her pepper.
I reassessed myself and feared God too. I eventually let her go after about 30 minutes of groveling.
So if you saw a black Toyota Camry blocking a rickety grey Peugeot in Magodo for 45 minutes, that was us.
The guy with the bloodied lips from the Fanta, sitting on the Peugeot was me.
How did your day go?
#WeAreMadInLagos
A true account as narrated by @temxtope on Twitter. He is currently accepting jobs revolving around content creation. Email is temxtope@gmail.com.
