I had a perfect couple in my parish, I admired so much. One day after morning Mass, the woman came to me to book Mass, I simply asked for husband as I had not seen him for sometime. To my surprise, she broke down and cried like a child. I was compelled to hold her close, she needed the embrace and shoulder to cry on.
When she finished, she explained what she was passing through and how she was tired and wanted out of the relationship. I understood how she felt, having a low endurance threshold myself, but I had a duty to perform. I asked her if she loved her husband and I got the “I don’t know” answer. I told her she did, if not she would not feel this hurt. I asked her to remember how it was before now.
Picking a discarded metal spoon from the floor, I told her that the spoon was dirty not because it wasn’t useful, but because its value had diminished in the eyes of the owner. Wash it & put it in the kitchen, it is still a spoon. I see them together now.
But are they happy? Or just swept things under the carpet to postpone the evil day?
Well, they seem happy. In my experience, every relationship goes through rough waters. It is the ability weather these moments that determine duration and most importantly our disposition. People are the same, its conditions that reflect a different version of the same person.
What I try to do is isolate the conditions and the person. If the conditions can be altered, the person will regain composure. If the condition can’t be changed, then with patience and love, we try to change the persons attitude to the situation by showing him\her that they have altered, the reasons and effects of their new disposition and offer alternatives.
This is not a one stop solution. The Premise of endurance works on the assumption that as man is the image of God, his capacity for LOVE, UNDERSTANDING & FORGIVENESS is “infinite”. He will go as far as he allows himself. But like I said, we have different thresholds and limits.